Where Courage Meets Consciousness: "Bridging Military Resilience and Mindful Leadership"

There’s a text message preserved in the pages of Geetika Lidder’s memoir. On December 8, 2021, she texted her husband, Brigadier Lakhbinder Singh “Toni” Lidder: “I want to go to the Taj with you. Moonlit night.” His reply came an hour later from aboard a Mi-17V5 helicopter: “Yes yes… let us do it first week next year.”

That helicopter never landed. Those plans never materialized. That “next year” never came.

The crash near Coonoor claimed the lives of Brigadier Lidder, India’s first Chief of Defence Staff General Bipin Rawat, and 12 other brave souls. At Toni’s funeral, with cameras trained on her and a nation watching, Geetika stood with quiet dignity and said, “I am a soldier’s wife. We must give him a smiling send-off.”

What does true leadership look like when everything falls apart? When the world demands you stand strong, but your heart is shattered?

In her deeply moving memoir “I Am a Soldier’s Wife: The Life and Love of Toni Lidder,” Geetika opens her heart to share not just a love story, but a masterclass in courage, resilience, and the quiet strength that military families embody every single day.

Reading Geetika’s journey resonated deeply with the themes I explored in our book “Bytes and Breaths: The VitaSphere Quest,” which examines emotional intelligence and mindful leadership in the digital age, I was struck by the profound parallels between our worlds. Though our contexts differ - hers rooted in military service, mine in technology and AI, we both grapple with the same fundamental questions: How do we lead with authenticity? How do we honor both strength and vulnerability? How do we create meaning in the face of uncertainty?

In this conversation, we explore the invisible threads that connect grief and grace, duty and devotion, loss and legacy. Geetika’s story reminds us that leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution - it’s about heart, humanity, and the courage to keep going when everything within you wants to stop.

From army cantonments to corporate boardrooms, from heartbreak to healing, from bytes to breath - this is a conversation about what really maters.

Geetika, “I Am a Soldier’s Wife” is such a courageous book. Your husband always encouraged you to write, but you only began after his passing. What was that turning point - when grief transformed into the need to tell this story?

It is a fact that Toni always wanted me to write. Somehow, since I have always been a working woman along with managing a hectic military life with him, I never ever thought of serious writing. Yes, I have been regularly contributing articles to the regimental magazines and military publications, but in the space of writing seriously, this is a first.

Well, for as long as I remember, I have been completely awestruck with Toni. I thought he was a very special person, I was a huge fan of his and a fond wife. It is only after he went that I realised - there were so many people who found him so special. Everyone had a story with him. Either he had touched that person with kindness or he had inspired them. That is when the penny dropped and I thought it is my duty to recall, retell and record the meaningful life led by the love of my life. I wrote this book for myself, to keep it as a reminder of who he was and what defined him. The story was being told by me to me only. When this journey became one of taking his story to the world is something that turned out to be divine intervention. Today, the book is not even ten months old and I have been invited to almost 20 events and talks around the book and a dozen interviews in the digital world. I feel totally blessed that the universe has given me the privilege of telling my story, his story. We all are powerful stories, but not all have the privilege of sharing it. Tremendous gratitude.

You describe yourself as a “fourth-generation member of the armed forces”- a sapper’s daughter and an infantry officer’s wife. How has this multi-generational military identity shaped who you are, and did writing the book help you discover parts of yourself beyond these roles?

This multi-generational military identity is the only thing I am, have been or aspire to be. It has brought in me a deep sense of discipline, timing and responsibility. It is in my DNA to respect timelines, to be honest in all my interactions and to give my best every step of the way. What probably unraveled in me as I discovered myself through writing this book was, that in spite of not being uniformed, it has made me brave too. A virtue I would have never attributed myself with earlier.

The Army Chief spoke about Toni’s four C’s of leadership: Character, Competence, Conduct, and Commitment. From your intimate perspective as his partner, how did you witness these qualities show up in his everyday life - not just as an officer, but as a person?

Toni was my best friend, my partner, my spouse and my alter ego. So obviously I was very cognizant of these qualities he imbibed. Having said that, you could be just an acquaintance of his and probably even then, these would come shining at you. So deep was his impact on anyone he remotely touched also.

His competence as a leader of men was an established fact with all the honours, awards and degrees he had to his credit. The fact that he did not know what it is to stand second anywhere, he led from the front is testimony of his competence. Military competence is a reflection of where all you are posted and the appointments you tenet. His was a dream path. I have been the proudest to walk alongside him and bask in the glory of all his success and hard work.

His commitment to anything he did in the realm of his profession that I have suffered it first hand, because never ever has he not been there for the organisation in its time of need. He has stood by the service and his men at all hours and against all odds, whereas, as a wife and a partner, I have many times found myself struggling alone. That was the epitome of soldierly commitment.

As regards his conduct, I would say that every successful man is liked by his seniors since he is able to deliver, but the true test of a man is the love that his juniors have for him. The way he cared, loved and treated them and the love, respect and admiration he got back in return from them always left me in deep awe and admiration of him as a man who truly cared for his men – as an officer who always stood with and for his soldiers.

You’ve worked across remarkably diverse sectors-journalism, hospitality, aviation, education- and lived in multiple countries including Kazakhstan. How has this breadth of experience shaped your understanding of adaptable leadership? What are the universal leadership truths that transcend industry and geography?

As I say very often, I am a person who flows without a plan. I never had a vision for myself in life, just a thought I used to voice to Toni very often- “ You have a career, I have a job.” As we got married when I was just out of my MBA and working with Indian Express, I never really wanted to work everywhere we went. Somehow, Toni insisted that I work and every place we went, I was lucky to be able to get nice jobs with niche profiles which capitalised on my core strengths. This experience of serving in so many sectors, learning the nuances of each and understanding how to function to be able to benefit the organization has truly enriched me in many ways. It has made my adaptability quotient so high that unlearning and re learning does not scare me at all. I have learnt that if leadership has to be effective, it has to be adaptable- to be able to grow and change and evolve in an ever changing dynamic landscape.

The universal leadership truths that I have found to be holding true with reference to my experience are:

People all across the world are professional and value hard work, initiative, instinctive risk taking and dynamic decision making. The tangibles always get you recognition but the intangibles get you respect. People across the world love their culture, cuisine and language. To function well with them, immersion in their culture, knowing their language and cuisine strikes an instant chord in their heart. The cathedral of leadership rests on the foundation of tolerance and respect for all cultures and true love for human resources and their well-being.

You mentioned that writing the book was cathartic, it helped you process emotions you had pushed away. Were there moments during the writing process that surprised you, where you discovered something new about yourself or about Toni?

Discovery- Not really. There was no layer that got uncovered that was a surprise. I guess, having a rock solid marriage ensured that we knew each other too well. The only realisation that came about and kept getting cemented as I wrote along was that Toni had so much love vested in the world. I had a huge struggle to list out how many special friends were to be mentioned. There were so many who were dear to him, and equally so. It dawned on me much emotional investment he had made in each relationship. As a result, once more, I sent up gratitude to the universe for making him my co traveler in the journey of life.

Catharsis - Yes, writing it and talking about it has been difficult in phases and places because we scratched the hard protected layer of skin that comes over a wound and scraped and scooped out the rawness. Yet, in this difficulty lies the power of healing. You have to clean out the wound painfully for it to heal well for the future. So, unconsciously, and thankfully, I have had an emotionally healing journey through the book.

In your interview, you said your greatest fear is “nothingness - having nothing to do with my time one day.” Given everything you’ve endured, what drives this need to stay purposeful and productive? And how do you balance that drive with giving yourself permission to simply be?

That is a fair question. I really don’t have an honest answer to that. At times I feel that I fill my day with things to do to keep myself relevant, thinking on my feet, mentally and physically agile and away from depressive thoughts. I truly feel that a higher purpose to my existence has emerged and I strive to plough back to the society in whichever way I can. So the fear of not having something relevant to do looms large since I revel in being busy.

That said, there are just days at a stretch when life has not given me a moment of time to just-be. Do nothing, just-be…and soak in the moment, and sit with my tea, play with my dog, sit with a book and stare into the sunset or watch the sun rise. At times, I long for the luxury of leisure fully conscious of the dichotomy of the situation.

If we think about leadership in the context of both military tradition and modern challenges - whether in defense, education, or technology - what timeless qualities do you believe will always matter, regardless of how much the world changes?

In leadership as well as in life in general, there are three goalposts which should never change. They are non-negotiables I feel in any context at any position- Integrity, Conviction and Attitude. Once you have the integrity within you to be honest to whatever you are tasked to do, the conviction that the purpose and direction of your endeavours is in the higher good, and the positive attitude towards the ask of the organization and your role in it; I think you have no reason not to ace it. You will have the winning combination with these three.

Both military and corporate environments have traditionally valued stoicism and hierarchy. Yet research increasingly shows that emotionally intelligent, empathetic leadership drives better outcomes. Based on your experiences across both worlds, what needs to change in how we develop leaders? What would you tell organizations about the leadership qualities that actually matter?

Leadership styles across the world have undergone a paradigm change. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence is being heralded as the winning and desirable qualities. There is no reason why hierarchy should suffer if empathy is the front runner. For an empathetic leader, hierarchy will always be followed from the heart and the respect for them will come from within not through the ranks they wear. Empathy and a higher emotional quotient will ensure that the Human Resource of the organization puts their best foot forward, always and ever time.

Looking at leadership through the lens of your entire journey - as a fourth-generation military family member, an educator shaping young minds, and now an author sharing your story - what is the one leadership lesson you’d want the next generation to carry forward? What makes a leader truly exceptional, regardless of their field?

A leader who wishes to be exceptional should be a good speaker so as to convey and communicate correctly. However, more than a good speaker, s/he has to be a better listener, to be able to hear what everyone is saying and making everyone feel seen and heard. A great leader is not someone who is not worried about being in charge, it is about caring for those who are in your charge. Listening, caring, empathy and honesty in what you do are the qualities that set apart a leader.